Just before falling asleep

Suddenly, the night sky felt empty.
None of its offerings were enough
to quiesce the presence of your absence.

I think of your name quite often,
but never dare to speak it
lest echo would be the sole answer
I receive.

Your essence remains in love
with the waves, the sand and the breeze:
A smile that flows forever.

Only your eyes could bring peace
and joy and fire and hope
to a forsaken old heart.

"Hello..." you said and smiled.
Then in silence I smiled back
wishing of being one with the sea.

Afternoon of solitude

Funny.

Some consider spending an afternoon alone by yourself, curled-up on the sofa and doing nothing but watching TV and drinking beer to cope with hot weather pretty pathetic; on the contrary, others believe it's pure bliss.

The difference resides in choosing:

A - You chose to do it, or managed to do it in spite of other activities.

B - You've got nothing else to do.

Since the dawn of civilisation, it is a well-known fact that alcohol is the best thanatologist ever. Synapses begin firing up at random, nonsense becomes funny and you begin to laugh at anything and everything, even your present condition. In extreme dosages, your personality transforms and lets some of its darkest aspects loose in the wild.

Finally, the sweet stupor of numbness arrives. Drowsiness gives in to sleepiness in such a smooth transition you often cannot pinpoint the exact moment when it happens.

But there is a price to pay. Pain. You don't ever want to feel it again ever in your life... except you probably will because either the need to temporarily "deal with" (read "suppress") your problems becomes overwhelming once more, or as surprising as it might seem, you eventually forget how bad it was.

Oblivion is bliss simply because you stop becoming aware of your burdens.

And pretty much like your past, not only they won't go away.
They will accumulate and pile up.

So there is no real option but to endure them.

Maybe Nietzche will prove right to your advantage and you'll emerge stronger than before.

That is, if you first survive :)

I like to watch the stars

At night, whenever possible...
just before going back to my apartment,
I like to watch the stars.

I watch in silence.

The cold breeze passes by, fast and indifferent as always.

They have been pretty much the same before I ever came here. Most of them will continue to be long after I'm gone.

A sense of Trascendence.

Ever since we became a sentient species and managed to overcome our natural fear for darkness and gaze at them with insatiable curiosity. Thousands of generations have come and gone... yet we keep doing it.

It's almost as if they were calling us.

Each time I look at them, I wonder about what kind of thoughts people before me have experienced... and why not, those who, perhaps by coincidence, have chosen to simultaneously do the same thing as I did.

I think of those whom I've met and still see.
Those whom I've met and will never see again.
Those whom I haven't met yet.
Those whom I'll never meet though we could become good friends.

I like to watch the stars
because they represent all the possibilities that were, all that were not or won't be... and all that might be and will be.

I like to watch the stars
because they make me think of you.

If only I had the means
I couldn't wait to go back to them.



Image credit: ESA / HST