Walking

Last week, I dreamt of being lost and alone in a jungle.

All the gear I had (GPS, flashlight, walkie talkie) was dead. The only working gadget was a compass, but I couldn't pinpoint the sun due to the heavy raining.

Left with little choice, I began walking to the west as the rain began to subside. It was warm and soothing and would also keep mosquitos away... At least for a while.

Most city rats would shiver at the thought of getting lost in an unknown place. A jungle would definitely be a no-no. Giving up to desperation is a sure way to die in such environment... Besides, all the local creatures were making noises and doing their business as usual; it's when they suddenly become silent that trouble will undoubtely ensue.

For how long I continued walking? Could have been hours, or days... I really can't remember.

However, the smells and sounds of the jungle began to change. There was a breeze that tasted salty, and the nice slow cadence of surf waves.

I ran as fast as I could until the ground transformed into sand. There were no more clouds and the rain was behind me. The sun was setting down for the day and slowly began to sink into the ocean, bathed in oranges and crimson.

I felt happy. I made it. I knew where I was.
Shortly thereafter, I recalled I was still lost.

Dream of no-tranquility

Not even half a moon ago, a had a weird dream:

I was sitting on the beach watching the sunset. There were not many people around, or I didn't pay enough attention to them.

The surf was very strong, crashing loudly against the sand and making a lot of foam only to quickly recede back and fuse with the next incoming wave.

Then I saw a shadow approaching me. A girl. She was with someone else, but he stayed back. Her voice was too familiar: "I have been looking for you all over. We need to talk...".

I did not turn my head to look at her, but calmly stood up instead.
She insisted: "Please... I need to talk to you...".

Slowly and quietly, but still not looking back at her, I said there was nothing to talk about. My eyes remained fixed at the sunset.

That wonderful sunset.

There is something special about the orange-red light at dusk... I have always wanted to take a closer look at it.

So I started walking towards the setting sun. It felt warm and inviting.

After a short while, I heard her shouting from the distance: "Wait! You can't swim... please... please stop!"

Ah! The irony put me in a such a good mood, I began to laugh.

And so I woke up, still laughing until I noticed it was raining. 3 A.M. and way too early to begin the workday... too bad, I wanted to know how that dream ended.

Photo © Chris Nottingham

Moral: Being human means that if you have to go, you might as well do it with a smile... or even a laugh.

Trinkets from the past

So there I was, opening some boxes to set stuff aside for recycling or giving away, when I stumbled upon the remains of your watch. It wasn't functional, of course, but I still had carefully wrapped it in a plastic bag.

Many moons ago, you gave it to me hoping I could fix it but unfortunately, it didn't survive the intervention.

What to do? What to do now? I shopped around for two days until I found exactly the same model and gave it to you with an apology.

Yesterday, when the theme resurfaced, you seemed quite upset and annoyed:

"Why didn't you give it back to me after all these years?" - You asked, - "That watch was a gift from one of my best friends, the one who passed away long ago!"

I didn't know what to say at first, but the answer presented itself just as I began saying:


"... Because... that watch was all I had left from you".

Cats and Boxes

Ever since they arrive to this world, cats form a strong bond with carton boxes.

It begins when their moms look for a secluded, dark and preferably warm place to give birth. Shortly after the newly-born kitties have opened their eyes, they start peeking at the world beyond the box but dare not leave it. However, as soon as they are strong enough, they venture into the unknown to satisfy their curiosity, but always returning to the well known safety of their box.

Even as adults, cats still enjoy playing and jumping into boxes whenever they can, even a humble paper bag will do.

This morning, as soon as I finished getting dressed up, I suddenly recalled I needed to bring an install CD to the office. Most of them are kept inside a small carton box placed on top of a cabinet.

Sassy and Mitzi, my beloved kitties, were taking a nap on my bed, comfortably rolled in my blanket. Their eyes closed, but their ears discreetly moving around to sense what else was going on.

As soon as I grabbed the box, Mitzi's ears became fixed on my position but she still didn't move. Gosh! Too many CD's to examine and I'm in a rush... ok, it will be faster if I just take them out and flip them like cards.

As soon as I placed the empty box on the bed, Mitzi opened her eyes, purred at me and stretched herself while placing her paws in it, claws fully deployed. Well, I didn't found what I was looking for, so it was time to put the CD's back into the box and... oh oh. Box is busy with kitty... or the other way around.

When I extended my hand to pick up the box, Mitzi purred again looking at me without any intention of letting go of it.

I smiled and gave her a quick scratch on her head. Very well Mitzi kitty, you can have the box even if you are too big for it.

Another gentle purr, and after she tried to fit as much of herself as she could into the box, she resumed her nap.

She seemed genuinely happy because I let her keep the box.

And my bloody camera wasn't charged or else I would have included a picture. Argh!!!

The so-called "Human nature"

If we were like any other species on the planet, we would be fully integrated to our environment. Instead of transforming it to better suit our tastes and preferences, we would adjust to it like all the others do without falling into the specialisation fallacy, mind you, which of course is reserved for insects.

However, when we compare our directives and general behavior to a logic template, results often contradict any hope of common sense:

We pursuit that which retreats from us.
We love those who cannot love us back.
We long for what we don't have.
We take things for granted and don't fully appreciate them until they are gone.

I was never good at playing "games", those counterintuitive unwritten "rules" that often seem to be decisive at achieving the object of desire in question. Everybody and his dog seems to be aware of them.

Everybody else but me.

Instead, I opted for a more open nature... a strategy that has bitten me back more times than I can keep count of. As a prime example of stubborness on my own self, I still keep using that policy regardless of the ever increasing frustration brought by its eventual, almost fatallistically certain outcome.

Either I completely lack what others dare to define as "emotional intelligence", or in spite of external appearance, I do not belong to the local human race.

For all accounts, I was born here. So... misanthropy suddenly seems so attractive again.

Just before falling asleep

Suddenly, the night sky felt empty.
None of its offerings were enough
to quiesce the presence of your absence.

I think of your name quite often,
but never dare to speak it
lest echo would be the sole answer
I receive.

Your essence remains in love
with the waves, the sand and the breeze:
A smile that flows forever.

Only your eyes could bring peace
and joy and fire and hope
to a forsaken old heart.

"Hello..." you said and smiled.
Then in silence I smiled back
wishing of being one with the sea.

Afternoon of solitude

Funny.

Some consider spending an afternoon alone by yourself, curled-up on the sofa and doing nothing but watching TV and drinking beer to cope with hot weather pretty pathetic; on the contrary, others believe it's pure bliss.

The difference resides in choosing:

A - You chose to do it, or managed to do it in spite of other activities.

B - You've got nothing else to do.

Since the dawn of civilisation, it is a well-known fact that alcohol is the best thanatologist ever. Synapses begin firing up at random, nonsense becomes funny and you begin to laugh at anything and everything, even your present condition. In extreme dosages, your personality transforms and lets some of its darkest aspects loose in the wild.

Finally, the sweet stupor of numbness arrives. Drowsiness gives in to sleepiness in such a smooth transition you often cannot pinpoint the exact moment when it happens.

But there is a price to pay. Pain. You don't ever want to feel it again ever in your life... except you probably will because either the need to temporarily "deal with" (read "suppress") your problems becomes overwhelming once more, or as surprising as it might seem, you eventually forget how bad it was.

Oblivion is bliss simply because you stop becoming aware of your burdens.

And pretty much like your past, not only they won't go away.
They will accumulate and pile up.

So there is no real option but to endure them.

Maybe Nietzche will prove right to your advantage and you'll emerge stronger than before.

That is, if you first survive :)